Faith Covered in Shrapnel
by FallenAngel218
Summary: As the anniversary of the Cairo bombing draws near, Tim struggles with the decision he made to leave Ned there alone. Episode Tag to "The Lost Boys."


_**Notes:** Written for the NFA "Terse Title" Challenge. This story takes place on Palm (or Passion) Sunday – a week before Easter. There is some religion present in the story... if it offends you, I beseech you not to read the story. Wishes for a Happy Easter to everyone who will be celebrating this weekend._

The last of the congregation had filed out of the sanctuary, but Tim remained in his pew, staring straight ahead at the altar. There was a simple wooden cross standing next to it, with a white cloth draped over it. The Passion Sunday sermon was never a happy one, and the cross he stared at reminded him of why.

Tim had gone to church with his Grandmother as a child, but gradually stopped going as he got older. After Kate died, he started going again.

He flinched when he felt the hand on his shoulder, and turned to see the Deacon, standing next to his pew, smiling.

"Are you all right, son?" He asked with a gentle smile.

"I—yeah, I'm fine, Deacon Scalise."

"Tim, you've been coming to mass here long enough to call me Angelo," he said with a chuckle. Angelo leaned against the side of the pew. "You've been staring at the altar for the past twenty minutes."

"I was just thinking about the sermon," Tim said. "The whole thing – what Jesus went through, just so our sins could be wiped clean."

"Some people find it hard to accept that their sins can be wiped clean," Angelo said. "I have talked to a lot of people that feel they can't be forgiven."

Tim turned away from the Deacon and let his eyes rest on the cross again.

 _Maybe I'm one of those people._

Angelo could tell the young man in front of him had more on his mind than the day's Mass, and wanted to make sure he left with his mind in one piece. He put a hand on Tim's shoulder again, to get his attention.

"May I?" He said, gesturing to the pew. Tim nodded and moved down to give the Deacon room to join him.

"What's on your mind?"

Tim kept his eyes on the cross.

"I was thinking about my friend... the one that died in Cairo last May."

Angelo remembered well... Tim had shown up at the church after his friend's funeral, and Angelo had done his best to help the young man through his grief.

"Your friend's death was not your fault," Angelo said gently.

"I shouldn't have left him alone," Tim said softly. "I should have been there."

"What happened to your friend Ned was a terrible thing, but there's nothing you could have done to stop that bomb from triggering, even if you were there."

"If I had stayed in Cairo, I could have done something to help."

"If you hadn't left, you may have been killed along with him."

"I was selfish, and I left him there. I don't deserve to be forgiven."

 _Ah,_ Angelo thought. _That's what's weighing on his mind._

"When Jesus died on that cross, he didn't do it for a select few... he did it for _everyone_. Even if you think you don't deserve it, you _are_ forgiven. God will always forgive you, no matter what you've done."

Tim remained silent, his eyes still fixed on the cross at the Altar.

"It's not God you're seeking forgiveness from, is it?"

Tim slowly shook his head.

"Forgiveness is one of the most difficult things to understand, and to give."

Tim finally looked at the Deacon.

"I'm not sure how to forgive myself."

Angelo reached into the inside pocket of his Deacon's robe, and took out a Rosary. He held it out to Tim.

"Oh no... Angelo, I can't take your Rosary."

"I can always get another Rosary. I want you to have this one."

Tim reached out and carefully took the Rosary.

"Would you mind if I gave you some homework, Tim?"

Tim let a small smile slip as he nodded.

"Spend some time in prayer."

"How long? I've never prayed with a Rosary before."

"Your time with God is up to you... there is a certain way to pray the Rosary, but don't worry about that. I want you to use it in your prayers as you feel you need to."

Tim nodded and looked down at his watch.

"I have to go. Thanks, Angelo."

"You are very welcome, Tim. Will I see you at Easter Mass next week?"

"I'll try."

"Good enough for me. God Bless."

Tim shook his hand and left the Sanctuary. Angelo watched him go. He knew Tim's troubles were far from over, but he was glad he could give spiritual guidance once in a while, and that Tim was open to his advice. He smiled and got up to go and lock up the Sanctuary.

 **END**


End file.
